on top
I wrote this long poem for a contest. I think the title of the piece (it could be a poem, prose, fiction or non-fiction, etc.) had to be “on top” but my memory is bit fuzzy about that part! I would never have written about my experience in this way as poetry is certainly not my normal writing form but every once in a while something comes to me in the form of a poem and I honour its need to be expressed that way.
In 1972 I did what many young people did at that time – I travelled through Europe. I worked in a store for a year and saved enough money and then a friend and I spent four months traipsing through many countries. I am somwhat pyschic and there have been times in my life that some type of “experience” has happened that has sometimes even changed the direction of my life. In those moments there is a certainty about something important. I know the vision I have just had in my head is going to be true even if all reason, and everyone I know, tries to tell me it is not possible. This was one of those moments.
Europe
1972
when the trip of my life
birthed the journey for my life
I could never have seen it at the time
blinding flashes often come to us
when we are not thinking about them
when we have gotten out of our own way
when they have time to find us
sleeping in the top bunk at a youth hostel
I should go back to the beginning
believe me when I say neither of us
wants to suffer that entire journey
so I will be brief about my childhood
bored and unintentionally underachieving
a terrible student in school
no doubt about it
unhappy and unloved
feeling unwanted at home
no doubt about that either
unwelcome there but needed too
this left me feeling obligated
suffocated and sad inside
university rescued me from there
as boarding school had done
so many years earlier
there was a difference this time
I started to get good grades
it was a shock to find out I was smart
yet on graduation I was bereft of
inspiration or ambition for my life
it was nothing but a bad dream
with no future mapped out
I still had a plan
a friend and I would travel Europe
sold clothes for $1.56 an hour
in twelve months we were ready
the trip released my soul
I could breathe
finally my person inside burst out
as though it had waited a lifetime
to be heard
it had
there was no one to look after
but myself
my friend and I laughed a lot
I embraced life in a new way
looked forward to every morning
the universe watched as
I trekked through Europe
waiting for that me inside
to completely show up
then suddenly it happened
as it would again in the future
but this one in the top bunk
the most dramatic
I woke up in a sweat
my face and neck moist
with a feeling beyond explanation
I sat bolt upright and I knew
I was going to be a writer
no wish or thought or maybe
I was going to be a writer
I already was a writer
excitement gripped me and I
needed to share it with my friend
of course at 3:00 in the morning
my companion was less than excited
wake up, wake up I said
leaning over from my lofty perch
finally I climbed down
shaking her until she awoke
I told her my news
I know what I’m going to do
with the rest of my life
she thought I had completely
lost my mind
I’m going to be a writer
that’s nice she told me
now go back to sleep
there it was
it was out in the open
I need to be honest here
there was never an inkling
not even the slightest hint
that this road was open for me
we returned home after four months
it took only five weeks
I began working as a reporter
at a major newspaper
shocking my family but not me
40 years later
my books are across the country
I am nowhere near finished
so there you have it
either I had a revelation in that bunk
or I simply woke up startled from a nightmare
hell I don’t know
there are many amazing days with my writing
I think either way it was the same thing!